You’re allowed to 'Stop' as life moves on.

The word Stop is very negative and sudden without much thought. But actually it can be very helpful and positive. In this post 'Stop' to me is taking time, a moment to breathe and recuperate with yourself. We can all have that break with the positive mental attitude that we can rejoin life again when we are ready.

Do you always have to achieve something everyday? Are you scared of doing something spontaneous? Do you get FOMO? Do you ever stop? And I don’t mean for a little food break or a coffee I mean do you actually stop your thoughts for a strong amount of time to escape. I can keep listing but these are some questions I’ve related to recently.

A week and 2 days I’ve had away from normal everyday routine life. I was in isolation for part of it and then I’ve escaped in to what I’m calling my bubbled life away from normality. I was down and depressed just before my isolation (have been for a while as you know) but I felt like I was losing everyday to try and make myself smile or just breathe. I was miserable. Seeing my whole life as meaningless and that was not okay! I'm still a little unhappy but I’ve taken a new path to process it. This time I’ve stopped, taken a breath and hidden away. No drama, no work, not much activity just sat and thought about life. The whole thing has been a blessing and a curse all in one.

I’ve basically become a little hermit within the life of Jade. It’s been a time to completely strip life back to basics and just start again. No makeup, being lazy and not just exhausted lazy for once (I’ve learned there is a difference). Eating at normal times and actually consuming food that isn’t just a snack here and there and trying to sort my sleep pattern out. A bit of self care has definitely felt good, its a shame I can’t do it more when life is chaotic. Physically I feel okay, not on top form but its a start right. I’ve also added spontaneity, I’ve bought myself a few things, drove for the first time to the seaside the other day and relaxed while watching streams on twitch. All very simple life choices that didn’t involve any stress or much thought. Collectively these decisions have allowed me to ‘stop’. My head doesn’t feel as noisy, I’ve become comfortable with my own company again and relaxed for the first time in a while.

Having the ability to ‘stop’ while everyone carries on around you is healthy to a certain point. A few days to get your head together and calm yourself down is good however, I may have taken this a little too far. There is a side to this now where I have FOMO if I leave the house. Will one of my streamers start streaming and I’ll be out? (Lets not plan anything for an evening). Will the dog be sad if I leave him at home (lets stay in and just sit together). Will I have to talk to people if I go out because I’m so used to ignoring my phone and/or not receiving many messages at the moment and I’ve become very okay with that. This is the unhealthy stage.

You can spend your life giving so much to people or getting caught up in emotions everyday wether its their problems or yours, mix that with work and trying to keep a social life going your head becomes very noisy. This was where I was at. I took on a lot of peoples emotions (the life of an empath for you) but I care too much with certain people. I like to help others as it takes me away from myself or I learn something to get me out of my situation. But I don’t know when to stop this and I overload with emotion and problems. Since not really focusing on others I realise how busy people are caught up within these issues. I’ve not had many people check in with me since I’ve hidden away and I’ve not really checked up on many myself. Its quite sad but I’ve also become very comfortable with it. I know certain people that were triggering me and how blind I was to that toxic energy and that will help me when I return to normality. But I am scared to pop my little bubble and focus on life again. Have I seriously isolated myself more than the government did during covid?…

Find a balance. I’m taking the positives right now. I am a version of relaxed and this is a piece of mindfulness that I am currently learning. I can keep this practice going and leave the house with a fresh perspective when I do. I need a plan (future thinking) because that’s just the way my brain works but I also need to live in the present and take on the day when it arrives. In the past I’ve over thought a situation before its even happened and that’s unhealthy, I make myself anxious for a situation that might not even occur. You can have a positive attitude for every situation or at least a logical one, you choose to see the negative side of everything. Wether you believe it or not you do. Even in the most traumatic circumstances in life there may not be a positive and smiley part of it but you can at least take it for what it is and have that logical side. You’ve lost someone you loved. They aren’t in pain anymore, they are with you in some way if you choose for them to be. You can continue to celebrate their life for the rest of your life because they stay with you (I do this with my nan in mind very often and its been years since I lost her. The feeling of heart ache never ends but to celebrate her life is something I keep going). You lost your job. You will find another one, you’ll keep working until you achieve something for you again. You don’t see the light in anything in your day to day life anymore, you’re lonely and you can’t stop the noise in your head. There is someone who loves you, you’re still here fighting it wether its hard or not, life doesn’t stop around you and you choose to be apart of that.

I realised that last one recently. Life doesn’t stop no matter what happens or what you’re feeling and its my choice to be apart of it which, I will take every-time. I might have a day/days off to be sad and hide away to refresh and miss life again but that’s okay as well. I went to the Canal for the first time since I passed my Miles in May challenge this morning. That’s over two weeks ago now and as much as I hid away and stopped, life certainly didn’t down there. As I’m walking along there were new reeds in the water, so many new flowers in the fields surrounding the water, horses in one of the fields and still so many different walks of life down there. I chose to step away from it all and isolate myself but those views, sounds and little moments of life are always there. They’re growing, changing and getting on wether I’m there or not. I know in a way that sounds awful, the fact that life didn’t stop when I wasn’t apart of it but you need to see the main message in that. Life may move on but you deserve to be apart of that life. Making memories, changing moments for other people, seeing the world and just living. Read that part again pls. We grow with every negative and positive moment every minute of the day and everyone deserves to feel that. Unless you’re a criminal to life or try and ruin life for everyone else then you need to sort your life out obviously… but life is there for you to grab on to and put your mark on. Take it.

Im nervous to go back out there but I have a life to make of my own. The sadness isn’t over yet but everyday is a fresh perspective that I’m reflecting upon for tomorrow. I need you to do the same. You didn’t achieve the main goal of today but you recognised you didn’t and you’ll do it when you’re ready. You got out of bed, you hydrated, you recognised you weren’t okay and you did whatever you felt was right to ‘stop’ yourself that day and give yourself time to recover.

Always here to talk to no matter where we are at remember that.

Talk soon x