The month of love V.2

Before writing this I’ve just gone back and read the month of love post I wrote last year… god I was in such a bad place wasn’t I! I still agree with some things I said, valentines day is still a blown up day to make those singletons feel alone and for people in relationships to shit themselves trying to please their other half with over priced gifts or trips for an extra special day so that they really know they are loved. But here is a turn around for me this year. I’m still single but… I love myself this year. I’ve jumped on a positive train, left my emotional damage in a bag and chucked it off a bridge and finally hit the threshold of enough is enough. I don’t know what it took but I seem to be on the right path.

It’s been a good start to the year so far. Never perfect, there has to be some hiccups and mistakes still being made but that only makes me human. I’m still learning, still growing and I’m ready to continue this in to this month. I may not be in a relationship but I got me. A me that is happy to be here and who is improving her mindset every day ready to finally be the best me and boy do I love it. I’ve recently gained a much better sense of control in situations and I can finally be present enough in my own life to be a better presence in other lives. Such an important factor in life is to have the ability to show your best self alongside helping others. I was struggling with that for a loooong time but I have control back. My relationships with others have never been better and I couldn’t really ask for more of what I need right now. Want is a different story in the month of love but we will leave those details out..

Comparing yourself to others is a huge habit in life that we just can’t help. I do it all the time and I’ve done it recently, it nearly destroyed a relationship that I’ve worked so hard for again because I thought I needed more. But its the little things in life that build relationships and they build to create a beautiful space for you both. Whatever blossoms from that start is just extra. Friendship is the most important part. If you can be open with someone, laugh, cry, be stupid together and love one another for whom you both really are then you don’t need anything else. I realised that when it slapped me in the face. Every relationship is different and you can’t expect anything because then its not something you have built naturally is it? Be present in knowing what you want and who you actually need that from.

Sticking with my fitness has given me a new lease of life that I had been missing. I look at myself in the mirror again and love what I am becoming again. I’m physically looking after myself and I’m doing it for me which is such a relief. The only competition I have is with myself and I can only get stronger from that. Others noticing my progress is brilliant and does give me that extra boost but I also know I don’t need anyone else’s opinion and that sits strong with me for now. My anxiety hasn’t disappeared but its certainly a lot more contained and I’m able to push negative thoughts and people to the side a lot easier. I’ve worked f*ckin hard this last year to control my anger and my emotions in times of crisis and it seems that struggle has triggered me so much that I have finally built up a block to going back to that feeling of being in a struggled dark abyss. I breath now and I think now and I feel so alive by doing so.

For this February I have a couple of goals that I'm working towards. The gym is an obvious one so I won’t say anymore about that. The second is to be present for the people who need me this month. There’s a lot going on, appointments that change others lives, trauma anniversaries and some changes to life that I'm not sure I'm ready for. But these things don’t just effect me and I need to be the strong person this month for others who have equally been there for me. I’m to take on anything and give back what others have given to me recently and that’s an important thing to be aware of! I also want to be a lot more open minded and try new things. I don’t know what this consists of but I just want something to change in life this month. Something to spice up my life in a good way. We will see what I can find.

People have shown me a lot of love recently and I’m so grateful. It’s come naturally and unexpectedly in some cases which has made it even more special. For this all I can do is be happy about the month of love because I know I’ve already got it with the people in my life and that is all that matters. I’ll still buy myself something nice and I’ll still hate waking up on that day to everyones soppy posts for each other. But that day I might join in. Let my friends know that they are my valentines all year round. Its also my friends birthday so we can just focus on that instead right haha. A lot of people have been my reason to smile this last month and year and I now want to be that reason for them. So maybe that’s what i’ll work on this month too.

Really proud of my start to 2022 and that has come from me. Alongside others but I’ve instigated that drive in myself that I needed to dedicate myself to a better life style. Its not stopping here so say close. We have a good journey ahead of us this time loves. Thank you for being apart of it!

Take a moment to be grateful for the things and people you have in your life. Be someones reason to smile and feel loved because naturally you’ll benefit from this too.

Much love always!

(How many times can Jade say love in one blog post)