Spot negativity and shove positivity in its face.

New Year, same me ranting about what I’ve learned this month...

So we slammed the door on 2023 and tried to pave the way for a new era of positive vibes and productive accomplishments. So far, I do feel this has half been a success as I’ve carried forward my health kick and started to organise my life a bit better than I did this time last year. HOWEVER where are my positive vibes at. Due to being in a mental state the past few years and rushed off my feet I haven’t really paid attention to the month linking to negativity as I was exhausted in the brain quite a lot to where everything was negative always. But now I’m settled and back to a better outlook on life gosh January is quite a depressing month for us all isn’t it! Now I’ve tasted a bit of happiness it doesn’t half send you west when January smacks you in the face. It’s the first January I have had on a monthly salary. I’ve joined all of you that must wait 5 weeks to feel any kind of freedom financially and it was long wasn’t it! It’s also occurred to me how pressured January is for people too. You had the stress of succeeding at Christmas but then you had to prepare yourself to be better in January, face a new year and make sure it started well. Fall out of the bubble of cheer and gifts and all its joy to be faced with the poor weather, poor bank account and poor attitudes from everyone who are now facing the dark times of peak winter and over pressured goals.

It’s a hard time and I’ve struggled to keep floating above the sea of negative attitudes. Can’t stress enough how I would rather people talk to me about how they are feeling so we can get through it together but when people simply know they are down and go out of their way to shut your positive outlook down or to consume your kindness with their negative state of opinion or mind… it’s a bit shitty of you I wont lie. It’s been a real test of patience from some of my friends and I do hope that they firmly get over this hill they are climbing and switch up their attitude because I for one promised myself I wasn’t putting myself in these situations anymore. No matter how much I love ya my feelings matter too, and I would appreciate some of these people to recognise how much I have put up with already and I also am down as well. Where is my how are you? Let’s get through this together speech!

This has only been a handful of people and I must say I have been a lot more open when it comes to sharing how I have been feeling so progress from me eyy. I have also had a good support system already from a lot more good intentioned people as well so that’s what I am taking with me from this month.

*This is an add on to the previous paragraph as it is linked, however I am writing this a couple of days after the initial blog post was written. I will also be doing a separate piece on this too as I think it is important that I do so. I’m not sure if I will share it publicly or not yet but regardless it will get written. I am disappointed in peoples attitudes as I have said but more so from family. For years I have been battling with the observation of toxic energy and actions from these people but it has come to this age of us all and for certain life events to take place where it really shows their disgusting behaviour will never change. I just want my family to take a look at themselves and I mean really look. Does your malicious, lying, manipulative and dishonest behaviour really mean more to you than to be a genuine person who thinks about anyone but themselves or materialistic things. I am appalled at the gossip rumours that still get thrown around and just the lack of thought that goes behind these peoples actions as they never admit or face up to wrong doing but rather put that on people not involved in a situation to begin with or on the good people who try live their lives with true meaning. Family I have believed for a long time is chosen and earned for that matter. These people have lost all my trust and good intention now and they don’t even know it as they think secrets and lies will never get back to us. But I can only warn them that I’m not here for immature toxic behaviour anymore. The right people in my close family know me, respect me and have raised me to be much better than these vile beings around us. I can only hope that the people I care about realise that they have done the best job within me and that I can spot a mile off the vile behaviour isn’t to be given the time of day. Karma hasn’t seemed to show much of its intentions in the past however I am seeing it take action slowly now. Spot toxicity and shove positivity in its face! 

This week I was doing a workout and i actually stopped sat in front of the mirror and looked at myself. I ended up doing this for about 20 minutes as I listened to my music and just focused on my breath. Each breath I took and the longer I looked at myself the prouder I got. I haven't been able to look at myself for that long in years. But I am stronger, I am proud of where I am at and i can say i am a much better person than the toxic world around me. The day you do this is the day your boundaries are meaningful and your heart is healing.

To bring back a lighter note...I recently read a book that I have turned to a few times called “you’ll come back to yourself” I posted about this on Instagram so have a look but it just honestly makes me feel so accomplished each time I read it. The way she writes makes the book so relatable and her words really do resonate with me in a few situations I face. It allows me to understand that it is okay to be feeling negative and that I’m not alone, but it has also taught me that I will get through the journey and move on to bigger things. This time when I read it, it made me feel a sense of safety and allowed me to face what I had been through in a year and how well I have travelled to “come back to myself”. So, for that I am grateful and I’m glad I keep it close to me just to remind me every time I question if I am good enough. The negativity of January made me question for a second if I was just kidding myself of how well I thought I was doing but when in doubt turn to the right people whether that be people in your life or artists who allow you the honesty you are looking for.

I feel I have managed to discipline myself a lot in Jan too. I’ve definitely sorted my diet out a little better and I’m enjoying the benefits of returning to the gym. I feel I’m pushing myself in to uncomfortable situations at work and in my personal life and I believe this year will allow me to move up a couple of steps on the journey to spontaneity and confidence. The confidence I once felt is certainly still in there I just have to bring it back out and not rely on anyone else to make that happen for me. Being surrounded by poor attitudes lately has really brought forward resilience, patience and the knowledge of how draining this is. But you can choose to an extent to block it out and move forward one breath at a time. I don’t have the energy to be that angry over petty things so why would I consume someone else’s poor energy with this just because they haven’t learned to control their emotions yet? So here I am, encouraging people to breathe and speak about how they are feeling instead of lashing out and trying to show them the art of calm caring. Whether it’s actually working is still to be seen by them but for myself I am souring.

Finally, the countdown to Thailand is on. Less than two months before another amazing opportunity with another good friend. I am very excited, and I don’t get excited about many things! But for this time, I really couldn’t express how amazing I feel, so much so I am over prepared for the trip compared to the usual pack the night before and get excited when I sit on the plane. I couldn’t be happier to be spending my time with Rhea as this is our first big adventure together and I feel we need this just to celebrate everything we have been through together as a power of the souls.

If there is one thing I will say to you to close Januarys door is that time does feel like it is going fast but the year has just begun. It’s hard to get out of the funk when going through a bad patch that seems to be never ending, but there is always time to turn it around. Just because you haven’t achieved something straight away it doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to soon or that you cant move your goal to the next month, week or day. Good memories and good vibes are in full force from me if you ever feel the need for them. Sorry this post hasn’t got much structure but it’s the first one of the year and I just wanted to share a couple of things I have picked up on in January. I’ll work on a better format for my next one.

Love Always Jade x