Live in the moment just once...

We fear the unknown it's a natural reaction. Some of us overthink future events and spiral in to fear. Others are able to switch off from that and take everyday as it comes. I can honestly say I flit between both but the first option is very easy for my brain to switch to. I tend to ruin moments in life by doing so because I’ve thought about a million different scenarios instead of living in the moment. For once this week I’ve lived in the moment the outcome has been on my mind with mixed emotions but overall I’m proud of it.

We go through our journeys at different paces. Some things work out and some things don’t. Some of us go through our journeys alone and others reach out. I’d gone through situations the past year making it up on the spot and overthinking the choices I’d made. I’ve convinced myself that I don’t deserve happy times, affection or things to work out. Thats wrong… I might have been honest with myself about things and my feelings but what good is that if you don’t tell other people. Theres a balance when it comes to letting yourself be vulnerable and keeping some things you’ve made up in your head to yourself. But what happens when you are finally faced with a situation that had been suffocating you when you hadn’t even faced it irl yet. For me I’d reached a limit of unhappiness and it was finally time to let myself go and release that unhappiness. It was unfortunately not in a place or situation I would have thought of but at the time I was comfortable enough to open up and be honest with myself and other people and I finally gained some form of structure and closure to one journey I had been on.

I’ve spent the last couple of days overthinking it of course. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t! But I’ve come to a conclusion that I did the right thing and I put myself in a vulnerable situation for the right reason. I needed a little saving and I didn’t expect the saving or reaction I got but it happened and I’m happy about it. I’ve lately felt a little more in control and I’ve been able to say things as they are giving myself that ability to set boundaries that work for me for once.

I can’t fix everything at once but little steps make all the difference. I do realise that and I am trying to involve people in my life again as I take those steps. So bare with me as I get there. It’s been a year that has tested me and so many of us, a lot. It continues to do so but that’s life isn’t it. It's not easy, there will always be situations to test you so just take them on. I’ve admitted I put on a mask in front of people but when you run out of energy to keep that mask on and open up to the world then you realise what you have. Even when I was supposed to be happy having a good time the other night I wasn’t. But the good people around me made me feel fine about that. They saw how hard I was trying and they made me realise that. I am always trying I don’t want to give up and its okay to struggle through that.

So many of us don’t want to be a burden and want to be loved. But sometimes we can’t see the good side of opening up and having people see the real us when life isn’t going our way. We suffer alone and that’s unhealthy but that’s us surviving and looking after others first. A blessing and a cursed way to treat others and ourselves.

You do not need to suffer on your own. But if you choose that at least communicate that in some way. I’ll still love you for that and I’ll be right here when you want me there. Hopefully someone will have that attitude for me in return. This time someone did and I was very grateful for it even if I felt I didn’t deserve it afterward.

Live everyday in the moment, see how you can create happiness or at least take a breath to deal with a situation a lot better than you have been.

Good people deserve good in their lives. Be confident enough to believe you are that good person. If you can’t be the person that helps others see how good they are.

Enough for now. On to the next step.

I’m glad we talked x