Have some self worth...

Why am I holding on to people and things that treat me wrong. I don’t deserve this, I know I don’t, so why am I looping round and making myself the vulnerable victim in the same situation?

These days we are trying to get back to our ‘normal’. A way of life that we can be happy with and enjoy again. But are you like me struggling to find that inner self worth to be open with others and get back to the outside? Confidence out the window and don’t know who to trust to allow your true self to shine again. Sat on social media seeing everyone have fun while you’re sat at home thinking you’re not good enough to go have fun and be happy. We deserve to treat ourselves in the same respect we would give to others around us and I think we forget that.

You can’t expect everyone to be like you which, is an important lesson I have learned recently. People don’t think the same as you would, they read situations differently but also can’t read minds either. Something so big to you could be rather small to someone else. Which can be taken in such an extreme way. I’m finding I have a lot of people around me but not many I can go to and open up to them about how I am really feeling everyday. I’m looking for the right attention that is going to fulfil that sadness and emptiness I feel but I keep looking in the wrong direction. I knew before speaking to a therapist that I had a barrier with everyone in my life and had an idea of why but I’m exploring that a little deeper. I have been let down and rejected by men in my life time not just romantically but through family and friendships and this has closed that experience as something that I now fear and have a lack of trust with. I’m scared to get too close because I automatically assume it will go wrong. However I’ve been putting effort in to someone who rejects me the most yet some how I can’t let go. I love having them in my life when times are good however, we are in different places and they are actually becoming one of the main triggers in my life right now. Once they made me feel safe and they made me feel good which is why its so easy to slip in to that sense of comfort and happiness. However they bring out the worst vulnerable and self conscious qualities about me at the same time when they reject me. I don’t know if they do this on purpose or even realise but I’m allowing it to happen every time.

Its hard to differentiate who you need/want. We do need people to bring out the best of us and to vibe with everyday, but we also don’t need anyone to make us who we are. Theres a very fine line!

If someone is cheating on you then you deserve better and something is clearly not right. You deserve better and they need to recognise what they need/want also. But it could feel like no matter how much they hurt you they are then only one that can give you that good time you’ve once had. This obviously is wrong yet we hold on to good things and moments right now no matter the other consequences because there isn’t anything else good.

My life is boring and draining. I’m craving something good to happen, for someone to come and love me in every way because I’m very lonely in a lot of aspects of life. But I need to remember that things are going to change and I need to be respecting myself in order to find true people. I know once one thing changes then the rest comes naturally, it’s just taking that first step.

Is it love? It is the wrong kind of love? Is it expecting him to change when I know he won’t. What is it that’s going wrong and not allowing myself the respect to let him go and not hurt me anymore? It’s something I’m working on and to the people in my life that are struggling with similar situations, you are better. You’ve been better than this before which means that side of you is still there. You’re just masking it because you’re afraid to be alone in this moment. But you’re also feeling this way for a reason and that’s okay. It gets worse before it gets better right.

The time you’re giving to them, give to yourself instead. You’re not getting results from them so make some for yourself! Strip it back to basics and find what you’ve come from. I’ve found my insecurities for a long time were being masked by distractions in life keeping me happy and away from those thoughts. Situations from childhood I didn’t even know where still there controlling my life. Letting those out and seeing how far I’ve come in life and how I’ve shaped myself to be better than certain obstacles in my life has actually made me quite proud in a sense. I have a lot of work to do but I’ve made a start.

It's also not about telling myself to get a grip. It’s about taking the moment for what it is but reflecting and showing myself how the situation can shape me to be better. It’s going to take a while but let’s do this together. My trust in people and myself aren’t there fully right now but its on the way. I can and will be better. So will you!

Take that first step and share with others about your journey. Only to people you trust or feel you want to share with, your business is still your business and privacy is key to a certain extent. But sharing is also caring to yourself and others.

A better tomorrow is on the way everyone!

The picture is inspired by the day when I was let down by a friend so decided to counteract that sadness by going for a walk for myself and not sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. Mickey of course was involved.