Does distance make the heart grow fonder?

I’ve been so invested in making my life work with others in it that I’ve forgotten what’s really important. I’ve become so set in certain ways that I’ve not lived life for me. I'm constantly thinking of how my decisions will affect others, what others will think and what ‘could’ happen if I stepped out of my comfort zone. But my life is for me. Yes it's good to involve others and have others share my life but my life and decisions are for me. Are you doing the same?

I’ve recently noticed that I’ve also become comfortable with allowing certain people to make decisions for me or have a negative impact on the way I see things and deal with things. Why have I allowed someone to control how I feel for so long when actually recently the care has slipped away. They don’t care about the things going on in my life and how they are effecting me but they do care how it all affects them. The way I am when they need me is important to them and so I feel they try and keep my negative emotions under wraps when I mention them in order to keep me almost numb and ready to listen to them. This isn’t okay and is borderline manipulative behaviour from someone who I have allowed in and trusted to keep me safe and well.

Sometimes the closest people to you are the ones who hurt you most as I’m sure we’ve all witnessed before and I fear that I’ve allowed this person to do this over and over without consideration on what it does to me long term. We all come up with our own conclusions to things which aren’t necessarily correct as it's just a one sided approach. But it is interesting to recognise these thoughts as sometimes they do make some sense. Lately my conclusion is some people in my life have become used to me being alone and vulnerable and they can support me through that but also have some sort of comfort for themselves knowing I may need them. Do they like having that power? When I’ve become a little more confident and started my own journey to get out there more, see the world better and do more things for me out of my comfort zone they tend to react in the following ways. Shut the ideas down, question the situation to the point I start to question whether I'm doing the right thing and/or notice I'm distancing myself and doing well and become almost protective of the power they are losing. Some of these people don’t want me to move on with them but also don’t want me to move on with anyone else and I don’t understand nor like that behaviour. But I'm noticing it a lot more. I also notice that every time I take a chance to distance myself from this behaviour and make less effort they try to reel me back in and that is even more confusing.

The saying don’t give what you can’t take mixed with you don’t know what you have until its gone appeals to my situation. I do do a lot for some people. I give them everything to try make sure I can make a positive difference in their lives. I want my friends to do well and I want them to be happy, but I don’t feel like I get that same approach back sometimes. Making a little bit of effort when you realise I'm not happy with your behaviour doesn’t make up for the damage you are already in the process of doing. I need some people to re read that. I had a vulnerable couple of weeks which made battling with myself a lot stronger. Trying to distance myself from certain people was harder because I was in the mindset of comfortably ‘needing’ their help. But actually after having a lack of support around the days I really needed it last week from these people it made the battle a lot easier to deal with. There was no care or concern on important things that were affecting me and that really became apparent when the conversation was initially moved on to their life and there was a complete disregard to my problems just moments later. That was hurtful.

So far this week I’ve managed that distance. A lack of communication and some time to focus on some things that are important for my development have really taken centre stage and I love that. It's sad that all I want to do is share my achievements with some of these people but I need to give myself the respect I deserve and leave them alone for a while. I read something this morning that said “Sometimes you have to leave some people alone because they think you can’t” and I for one resonate with that so well this week. You think you need that person who has been around for so long. But are they giving you what you deserve, are you being supported by them. Are they giving you as much as you are giving them? A relationship especially a friendship needs to be equal with the trust that sometimes one of you will have to take centre with support. Without that trust and safety there you might as well be letting a stranger in to your life and pour your heart out ready to be shattered. Maybe the distance for us will make the heart grow fonder and we will reconnect. But right now I'm sorry to say we are distant and that hurts but also it feels like a relief for my own self worth and journey right now.

Things do not have to stay the same just because that is what you’re used to. This year I want to be more spontaneous and do things for me. I can’t do it every time but recently its becoming a lot easier to do so when I take the control. Once I do things for me and enjoy life then people will want to be around me for the right reasons and the right relationships. For now I think people do need to focus on themselves and only come back if they are serious about being a positive impact in my life. I would expect them to feel the same about myself in their lives!

Live life for you and the rest will follow.

Picture this week is of the flowers dedicated to someone we lost but is a reminder that life is precious and short and we need to live it to the fullest.

Speak soon x