A new blossom on the Orchid…

As one blossom closes another grows in its place. Two weeks ago I decided to end my therapy journey which was a mixed set of emotions for me. I was and am so proud that I took on the journey in the first place and I gave it my full dedication in order to benefit from it. But I was also very sad to end it. I really enjoyed the journey and felt comfortable working towards something, but now I was on my own. Of course the whole journey taught me that I was the one who can change anything and make everything okay again but not having someone to go to and talk to about my week or give me that motivation I was lacking became very difficult to accept. Maybe it was the scary thought of being ‘alone’ again that was getting to me? Or the thought of just going back to day to day as it was before? But it wasn’t like that this time.

At this point things have changed in a good way. Not to jinx this but I haven’t had a panic attack in weeks now. My stress levels have come down and I’m finding I can take on and let go of things a lot easier. If they are causing me pain, distress or trying to attack my positive energy then they can take a hike to put it politely. However as good as these things are they are also stemming from slight negativity. I’ve lost patience for negative things which helps with letting stuff go but also means I am quite emotionless, yet angry and unmotivated in certain situations. I know I’m supposed to be selfish and think of myself but I may have taken a new turn that’s a little on the aggressive side mentally. I’m keeping an eye on this for now but it’s fair to say people are seeing the honest side of my life and they kind of need to get used to that now that I’m not afraid to do so.

The title is me. I am the orchid and I’ve recached a new chapter in my life (blossom). I’ve overcome so much and it's time to enjoy my life for who I am now not for who I was. In the first week a blossom on my actual orchid died which I took as a negative at the time. Superstitious Jade thought that because I was feeling down again already I had failed and slipped back in to old ways. But actually I’m taking it as a mini cleanse, that little blossom went on a journey and it was time for it to fall to make space for a new and improved version. The second one fell as someone tried to enter my life again after a little while. I’d taken a backseat with them and felt really good about it. To know they wanted to be apart of my life again since there had been a break in communication and seeing each other was kind of a little ego boost for me. I know I shouldn’t be that petty but actually they were finally the ones who missed me and I had got on with life just as they did without feeling bad about it. Maybe people are finally realising how much I do care and take on for them? I’d let that particular ‘blossom’ go and I am so happy that I have let them go in the way I toxically felt towards them. Finally!

I’m still at a loss physically. Not back in to fitness yet which is effecting me as I’ve lost everything I gained when I did my charity challenge, but I know i’ll get it back when I’m ready. I don’t actually think I’m too far away. I’m also very tired, exhausted in fact recently. Possibly due to the fact I’ve powered through work and I’m fighting so hard to remain calm and positive. It is hard work and does take a lot of energy from you. I need to be careful not to overdo it and push everything to the side like I used to do but for now I can deal with lack of sleep… I think. Vitamins, exercise and getting out socialising again which I have started will definitely help so I just need a bit of patience with that.

There are about 4 new blossoms stemming on my Orchid right now. The things I’m talking about above are recognised and will fall in to place but I need to work on them. Again superstitious but I like to complete things as an orchid opens as I believe that it’s growing with me. Obviously it isn’t. It’s a plant that needs water and sun and that’s why its growing. But we all know I’m a big advocate for connecting with nature and my plants so just deal with the fact I resonate everything with this Orchids life okay.

I do feel progression and I would like to believe good things are on the way despite the lack of patience I have these days. But I do need to work hard for this to happen and also have a little patience and faith that I still deserve good in life and it will happen. I may still be single and a little alone in that sense but I’m improving myself and that allows me to comfortable with me on my own terms! I don’t have a full plan for career which is a big down fall but I know I can change it when I’m ready, this can’t be rushed and I only have myself to go to when this needs to happen and I’m fine with that. Finally I am comfortable allowing people back in on my terms and building my social life again. I’m starting slowly but it will benefit me and them in no time so easy win all around.

Things may change or die in your life journey but something new will always come along to help heal or fix or in some cases replace that old blossom. You’ll never forget what it brought you wether it was good or bad but you take lessons away and move on with a better mind set.

Keep going, have patience, good things are coming if you say they are and make them happen!

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